The Talegaters interview a real life Egyptologist to learn about the three kingdoms of Ancient Egypt and find out the truth behind The Mummy's Curse. Will our lads get too close to the truth and unleash the wrath of an ancient pharaoh?? (Yes, yes they do)
Museum Curator and Egyptology, Bethany Benson, voices Abby Young, giving us a short history of Ancient Egypt's Three Kingdoms (and their intermediate periods). She explains away Mormon myths that are often assumed of Latter Day Saints, and discusses the Curse of the Mummy! While the Mummy's Curse seems little more than a Hollywood trope at this point, it was believed wholeheartedly upon the excavation of King Tut's tomb. Even Sir Conan Arthur Doyle bought into the stories, so they can't all be false, can they?
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THE TALEGATE PODCAST
Episode 9: The Mummy’s Curse
Part 1: Intro
CHEESEHEAD: Alrighty then, we’ll just set you up with this lapel mic here and…
ABBY: Clip it to my collar, right?
[muddled sound as lapel mic is fastened]
ABBY: How’s that?
FLORIDA MAN: Looks ‘bout right.
ABBY: Testing testing…
FM: Sounds ‘bout right.
CH: Okay, so on the count of 3, I’ll click “record,” clap my hand, and...ah shit.
FM: Should have done that before the recordin’, but if you gotta go, you gotta go.
CH: No, no. I don’t need to--I just meant I must have hit the button on accident. It’s recording already.
FM: Well okay then, hooooowdy folks, and welcome to The Talegate!
CH: For those of you just joining us, we’re on a roadtrip across America to uncover the mysteries behind tall tales, fairy tales, folktales, fishtales, & urban legends, one interview at a time.
FM: We inherited a truck from our late Granny May and discovered that the crystal hanging off the rearview mirror was more than decorative. It’s a Dowsing Pendulum leading us to the good folks behind the tales we all grew up with. With that, I’m Harrison, the Florida Man.
CH: And I’m Aaron the Cheesehead. And today we are by the ports of Mobile, Alabama. We’re actually staying near by, as thus port is just a short walk from the Egypt Inn.
FM: Ain’t it walk like an Egyptian?
CH: Egyption? No, no. It’s a walk from The Egypt Inn.
FM: Yea, “Walk like an Egyptian.”
CH: More like, “Sleep like an Egyptian at the Egypt Inn.”
FM: Not following
CH: Cripes. Egypt Inn… “I-N-N.” Free continental breakfast and HBO? Anywhoo, Like I said, we’re at a port just a short walk from the Egypt Inn. Kind of off that our hotel was sandwiched between a waffle house and another waffle house. Lots of waffle houses in the South.
FM: I’m tellin’ ya. At least we know what’s for dinner. But before we get down to business, what we drinkin’ today, Cheesehead?
CH: Today’s brewskies come to you from Good People Brewing Company in Birmingham, AL. This particular brew is their “Coffee Oatmeal Stout” at 6 ABV. Whatdya think?
FM: It’s black coffee and stout. Two of my favorite food groups besides fried chicken, plus Good People’s logo is a sweet vintage pick up truck not entirely unlike our own.
CH: At any rate, can’t be worse than that light beer we picked up at the Piggly Wiggly earlier.
FM: Few things are. Today’s guest is actually a dear friend of mine, my grad school peer and up-and-coming Egyptologist, Abby Young.
ABBY: Hey Harry, it’s good to see you again! It’s been forever. And this is your friend?
FM: Cousin, actually.
CH: Aaron, the Cheesehead. Pleased to meet you! Tell us a little about yourself, at least for my sake.
ABBY: Pleased to meet you, too, Aaron. Well, as he mentioned, I’m Abby. I have loved all things Egyptian since I was a little girl. Prince of Egypt probably had a little something to do with it. I acquired a MA in Museology and Art History with a concentration on Egyptian Art. What have you guys been up to?
CH: I am a regular over at my small town players house.
CH: Part-time custodian.
FM: And I, uh… I got this podcast now. So. That’s something.
ABBY: That is something. I’m so proud of you!
FM: Thanks, I really needed that.
CH: You are a real sweetheart, Abby, let me tell yah. How about I offer you a delicious coffee stout on the house? Ah heck, have the rest of the 6-pack if you fancy.
ABBY: Tempting, but I must decline. For one thing, I don’t want to end up like that poor Art Courier sued after a night out in Manhattan.
CH: I’m not sure I know this story.
FM: She’s referring to the time an art courier had a deal fall through on a 1.3 million dollar painting and proceeded to throw a pity party for himself. Cameras caught his drunk ass toting the painting out of his hotel, misplacing it somewhere along his liquid-fueled excursion.
ABBY: For the record, the lost painting was “Portrait of a Girl” by Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot. But beyond my responsibility as acting courier, I have other reasons not to partake.
FM: Right. Sorry, I forgot to tell you, Cheesehead. Abby here is LDS.
CH: Whoa, she rolls hard. Oh wait that’s LSD... nevermind.
ABBY: Latter Day Saints.
CH: Right, gacha. You don’t do caffeine and booze, right?
ABBY: Booze, no. But there is actually a frequent misunderstanding about the Church’s stance on caffeine. We can absolutely drink caffeinated soft drinks should we choose to without contradicting the Word of Wisdom. It’s a code that acts as our dietary guidelines. Technically, it only prohibits “ hot drinks.”
FM: Huh, I didn’t even know all that.
CH: Me neither.
ABBY: It’s okay, many people don’t. The consuming hot drinks, alcohol, tobacco or excessive amounts of meat isn’t appropriate. We tend to think of “hot drinks” as tea and coffee which has led many to assume caffeine as a whole, but that is just a reach on their end. Nothing scriptural against caffeine at large.
CH: Well then, we also have a few cokes in the cooler if you fancy.
ABBY: I actually do fancy. Thank you.
CH: No problemo. There yah go.
[can open SE]
ABBY: So are we here to talk about my church or ancient Egypt? Because it’s the Latter, I’ll go grab my Book of Mormon. But if it’s the latter, I’ve got some really rare items from the New Kingdom which I just picked up from the Port of Mobile that I’d love to show you guys.
FM: Hah, clever word play. I love it. Uh, Ancient Egypt for now, please.
PART 2: Egyptian History Sparknotes
ABBY: Are either of you learned on Egyptian History?
FM: I mean, I’ve read a few books on it.
CH: Yah, my knowledge is vague at best.
ABBY: No worries. So let’s start with what ancient Egypt really is for a moment, because it is a loaded term with a lot more to unpack than I think people realize. Ancient Egypt isn’t one cohesive point in time. It is a series of Kingdoms with intermissions of instability, called Intermediate Periods, all taking place within the Bronze Age. There are also the precursing Predynastic and Early Dynastic periods but for the sake of time, we’ll begin with the Old Kingdom.
FM: Ain’t they all Old Kingdoms?
ABBY: Yes, but “Old Kingdom” is used academically in reference to a specific unit of ancient egyptian history.
CH: Ah, gotcha. So it’s kinda like “Modern Art.” While the term “Modern” usually describes what’s current, “Modern” in terms of Art History refers specifically to a style of works that developed and thrived between the 1860’s and 1970’s because that style happened to be modern when the term was coined.
FM: That does kinda help put things into perspective. Carry on.
ABBY: Oh, I will. The Old Kingdom refers to the timespan roughly between 2700-2100 Before Christ or Common Era, whichever is your cup of tea. Mine is BCE, but to each their own.
CH: I thought you weren’t allowed to have a cup of tea?
ABBY: Cheeky. Anyway, a lot of important development happened in that five-hundred year span of the Old Kingdom. Five-hundred years, wrap your head around that. This period included the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th Dynasties.
FM: Five-hundred years? Hot damn, that’s a lot of time to wrap your head around. And that’s just the Old Kingdom?
ABBY: Exactly. For comparison, the length of Old Kingdom spanned over a hundred years longer than we are to the Pilgrims of Plymouth Rock. And the Old Kingdom is one of three Kingdoms with Intermediate Periods. Not even encompassing the Dynastic, Late, and Hellenisic periods.
FM: But the Old Kingdom was when they built the pyramids, correct me if I’m wrong.
ABBY: Oh, I would love to correct you! See, there is no “the pyramids.” Pyramids were built in various locations and sizes throughout the different Ancient Egyption periods. The Pyramids of Giza were constructed during the Old Kingdom, if that’s what you mean. The Sphinx, too, for that matter.
CH: Now what exactly is the Sphinx?
ABBY: A colossal Old Kingdom sculpture of a mythical creature with the body of a lion and head of a man.
FM: Shit, even I thought that was pretty cut and dry.
CH: Of course, of course, but I mean, what is the history and purpose behind the sculpture?
ABBY: That is the real question, isn’t it? While I don’t have a definitive answer to that, I can tell you some of the history behind the rediscovery of the Great Sphinx of Giza, but as for the full history and purpose itself, we can only speculate.
CH: Fair enough. I’ll take what you got.
ABBY: It is a sculpture measuring 240ft long and 66ft in height. So far as we can tell, this limestone behemoth was created during the reign of pharaoh Khafre around 2558–2532 BCE, making it approximately 4,564 years old.
CH: Wowzers! That is nearly 5 times the gap between us and the end of the Viking Era. To think my Norse lineage is just a drop in the bucket compared to ancient Egypt.
FM: For the record to y’all listenin’, Cheesehead’s Norse lineage is from his momma’s side, the side I ain’t kin to. In fact, Cheesehead here is so intuned with his viking heritage that he was once a die hard fan of the Minnesota Vikings football team. Ain’t that right?
CH: Shaddup. I was young, jaded. Those were dark times, but I’ve since found the light!
FM: A traitor to the state.
CH: Go, Pack, Go!
ABBY: I’m glad we’re all attuned to our roots. My ancestry is half English, half Scandiavian. But again though, am I here to discuss 23 and Me or ancient Egypt?
FM: Shoot. Uh, Ancient Egypt for now, please. What were even talkin’ about?
CH: The Sphinx.
ABBY: Correct. The Great Sphinx of Giza was never inscribed in Old Egyptian as far as we know and therefore we have no proper name or title for it, nor do we have any concrete idea what it was originally intended for.
FM: That’s gotta drive y’all Egyptologists pretty bonkers.
ABBY: Over time the Sphinx has been given several names. It was referenced in the New Kingdom as an avatar for Horus, around one-thousand years after its construction. Medieval Arab scribes called it Balhib. It was only given the name “Sphinx” by Greeks some 2000 years after its creation.
CH: While it’s fascinating what we know, but even more fascinating is just how much we don’t. I remember reading an article that theorized that the head of the Great Sphinx was originally a lion, shaved later into the likeness of a pharaoh.
ABBY: And perhaps that’s true. Others hypothesised it originally bore the head of Anubis. Whatever the case, at this point, we simply can’t know for sure.
FM: Okay, so pyramids were built all throughout Ancient Egypt, but weren’t the Great pyramids in the Old Kingdom? The big ones you see anytime anything Egyptian is portrayed?
ABBY: Correct. This period gave rise to both the first and largest pyramids in Egypt. Some actually refer to the Old Kingdom as “The Age of the Pyramids” for this reason. This was an incredible time for architecture, much of which has endured to this day despite colonization and an intense, erosive climate.
FM: What was livin’ like in the Old Kingdom?
ABBY: Well, they had a governing Pharaoh who was their intermediary to the gods.
CH: Sounds like a pretty sweet gig.
ABBY: Had its ups and downs. For a time, Egypt itself was fragmented into what they called “nomes” similar to how we have states. Each nome had its own governor who reported to the Pharaoh.
FM: Sounds pretty well structured. Reckon that’s what lacked in the intermediate periods?
ABBY: You’re jumping ahead. Times were relatively prosperous in the Old Kingdom, though privileges such as reading and writing were reserved for only the well-to-do and high ranking jobs such as scribes, generals, and things like that.
CH: What caused the end of the Old Kingdom?
ABBY: Like Harry just mentioned, it was caused by deteriorating structure.
CH: Harry? Didn’t know I was related to the boy who lived.
FM: Hush it up.
ABBY: The governors, called “nomarchs,” became powerful to the point of undermining the pharaohs. Egypt also got hit pretty bad by famine and dry spells so the central government dissolved into smaller, independent states.
FM: I’m guessin’ it took a powerful person to reunite the states after being broken up for so long.
ABBY: And that powerful person’s name was Mentuhotep II. By the end of the First Intermediate period, Egypt was mostly divided into North and South. Mentuhotep conquered the North with his Southern army and made Thebes the capital of Ancient Egypt.
CH: Sounds like he brought Egypt back to its former glory and made himself a god, in the process.
ABBY: Basically, yes.
FM: I oughta try that sometime.
CH: I’d follow you anywhere, buddy.
FM: Even to a Vikings game?
CH: I think we’re done here.
ABBY: Anyway, Mentuhotep formed a strong central government and led us into the Middle Kingdom.
FM: Old Kingdom gave us the Sphinx and Pyramids of Giza. Good luck topping that, Mr. Mentuhotep.
ABBY: While the Old Kingdom produce the Great Pyramids and Spinx, and the New Kingdom created the Valley of the Kings, the Middle Kingdom often gets overlooked. But this was actually a colorful period of art and entertainment. This is why some refer to the Middle Kingdom as the “Classical Age.”
FM: Claaaaassssic Middle Kingdom.
CH: As a thespian myself, I can’t help but ask: what kind of art and entertainment were they into exactly?
ABBY: Gorgeously detailed reliefs and portraits were commonly sculpted. Writing branched out beyond official business, as well, giving rise to recreational literature and philosophy.
FM: Neat as hell.
ABBY: *Neat as Duat.
FM: See what you did there. So what happened to the Middle Kingdom? Same shit, different millennium?
ABBY: Sort of, but not quite. A powerful group in the North broke off from the South and became known as the Fourteenth Dynasty. Without strength in unification, Egypt fell into what is known as the Second Intermediate Period, ruled largely by invading forces.
FM: Womp womp.
CH: By process of elimination, I’m guessing this leads us now in the New Kingdom?
ABBY: New Kingdom indeed, and the one probably most familiar to you. This Kingdom held the 18th, 19th, and 20th Dynasties and included some familiar faces.
FM: Like Imhotep from The Mummy? Reckon he’s probably fiction though, ain’t he?
ABBY: Imhotep actually was the real chancellor to the pharaoh Djoser, after which the very first pyramid was named. Therefore, Imhotep did exist, but in the Old Kingdom.
FM: And what about the Curse?
ABBY: You’ve been cursing this entire interview so you’re going to have to be more specific.
FM: The Curse. The Curse of the Mummy.
ABBY: Oi. Yea, no. Creative minds have taken a lot of liberties on that one. There is no “curse.”
FM: Much like the favored art of the Middle kingdom, that’s a relief.
ABBY: I see what you did there.
CH: Familiar Faces, hm. I got one... Cleopatra!
ABBY: Cleopatra was during the Ptolemaic Kingdom, younger the New Kingdom by a millennium and then some.
CH: I’m running low on “familiar faces.” I should have paid more attention in world history, holy Moses.
CH: I don’t see what you did there?
ABBY: Though we have found no archeological evidence yet that he went after fleeing slaves, Ramesses II, or “Ramesses the Great” as some know him, was perhaps the greatest of all pharaohs during the New Kingdom!
CH: Now I do know who Ramesses is! But, if Ramsesse was one of the greatest Pharaohs, who was the least greatest?
ABBY: Arguable another name that should absolutely ring a bell: King Tutahkamen.
FM: I recently visited the King Tut traveling exhibit, with an anthropologist friend of mine believe it or not. Man, did Tut have some incredible treasures. But like you said, ruling such a short span hardly makes you great. Homeboy only lived 19 years and ruled but--what-- ten of ‘em?
CH: Plus his excavation was cursed!
ABBY: Like I said before, there is no curse of the mummy. That isn’t a thing.
CH: Tell that to Leslie Goodwins.
ABBY: Leslie Who?
CH: Director of the 1944 horror classic, The Mummy’s Curse, starring monster all-star, Lon Chaney.
ABBY: I have no doubt that the “Curse of the Mummy” is an enduring trope for monster movies, but there is a good reason why you’ll find these features in the horror section and not in documentary.
FM: Where you reckon the “Curse of the Mummy” all started if it weren’t real?
ABBY: I’ll gladly tell you, because it leads to a little surprise I have in store for you guys.
FM: Hell yea! I mean… Duat yea!
PART 3: Curse of the Mummy
ABBY: Nice! So the Curse of the Mummy found its beginnings long before Hollywood penned it into script. It began with the discovery of a certain young pharaoh’s tomb, and one we’ve mentioned earlier tonight. Tutankahman.
FM: I know a bit of history behind Tut’s discovery and all. I know Lord Canarvon funded Howard Carter to supervise a dig in the Valley of the Kings to seemingly no avail. Weren’t til 1922, the last dig before Canarvon threatened cut funding, that the steps leading to Tut’s tomb was discovered. And not by Carter, but by his waterboy.
ABBY: Look at you! This is just like the old days. Like we’re back in college together, right down to your endless affinity for beer.
FM: [burp] Back atcha!
CH: Good times, good times. About that curse though? I mean, I’m not at all morbidly curious what happened to this expedition crew, but pretend that I am for a moment...
ABBY: Right. The Curse. After Carter discovered the many “wonderful things'' that remained in Tutankaman’s undisturbed burial chambers, it became a media frenzy that suffocated the entire excavation. Seeking a return on his investment, Canarvon gave exclusive press rights to the London Times, to the outrage of the other papers.
CH: Yah, the newspapers must have been pretty perturbed.
ABBY: Rest assured, it was the papers who got the last laugh, because Lord Carnarvon died within months of the tomb’s seals having been broken. And, just like that, the alleged “Curse” began making headlines.
ABBY: Oh, it gets worse. Renowned and best-selling author Marie Corelli warned in a letter to New York World, that those who disturbed the tomb would become sufferers of great consequence.
CH: So it was her who really lit the fire behind the whole “curse” thing.
ABBY: I think that’s fair to say. Other claims, and none of them from any authority on Egyptology, joined in the hype and backed her up. Some claimed King Tut poisoned Lord Carnarvon with a spider. Others claimed Tut’s otherworldly influence was behind it as well. Heck, even Sir Arthur Conan Doyle spoke on behalf of the curse.
CH: Between Corelli and Doyle, I can’t help but notice a pattern of fiction authors romanticising and perpetuating the idea of the Mummy’s Curse.
ABBY: I can’t help but agree with you there.
FM: So uh, earlier you said you had something exciting to show us. Has it got anything to do with King Tut?
ABBY: Actually, it does. In a manner of speaking.
CH: You’re telling me that you have with you, right now, objects from King Tut?
ABBY: That is not what I said. I have precisely zero objects belonging to Tut on my person. However what I do have are the remains of one of King Tut’s most controversial viziers.
CH: A pharaoh in a brazier? Controversial indeed.
ABBY: That is definitely not what I said. Vizier, with a “V.” As in the powerful political adviser to a rather impressionable young pharaoh. Think Jafar from Disney’s Aladdin. Only this particular vizier’s name was Ay t-netjer.
FM: Considering Jafar was a rotten nasty jerk, I’d bet a buck this here Ay fella’s bad news.
ABBY: And you don’t even know the half of it.
FM: I don’t know any of it.
ABBY: One thing I want to make clear is that I choose my words very carefully. I said he was controversial, not that he was necessarily bad. Fact is, a lot of the controversy surrounding Ay is the product of filling in gaps and theorizing.
CH: And I suppose people are still willing to hype up historical drama for the sake of selling a story and prolonging research like in the case of the Mummy’s Curse?
ABBY: Not out of the realm of possibility. While what I’m about to tell you is certainly the more entertaining story and quite possibly the truth of it, just know that it is an interpretation based on what limited facts we know about the guy.
FM: Fair ‘nough. So this Ay guy’s story?
ABBY: It’s a story of romance, sabotage, and murder.
CH: Somebody call Jessica Fletcher.
FM: Good luck calling anyone out here. I ain’t had reception in a good long while.
ABBY: Me either, come to think on it. Anyway, we now know of Ay. Everyone knows of King Tut. But there is a third player in this tale: Ankhesenamun.
CH: The catalyst from the Mummy movies?
ABBY: Or at least the woman who inspired that character. She, being his own half-sister, was married off to King Tut. It is heavily speculated that she was married to her own father prior to Tut.
CH: Incest? That’s pretty shocking.
FM: Not for Alabama it ain’t.
ABBY: Wow, harsh. While it’s taboo in modern times, incest was common place in the ancient world as a means to keeping the noble bloodlines pure and reducing claims to the throne.
CH: And how’d that work out for our leading lady and little King?
ABBY: Unfortunately, this factor is likely what led to Tut and Ank’s two unfortunate miscarriages, which were found mummified alongside their father in Tut’s tomb.
FM: Besides their father? Not father and mother?
ABBY: Now you’re catching on. After the death of King Tut at the age of 19, the Queen was in distress. Seeking to carry on her bloodline, she secretly reached out to the King of the Hittites requesting a groom and so he sent his son.
FM: And I’m supposin’ his would-be groom of a son didn’t make it to her in one piece?
ABBY: Astute. He was mysteriously murdered en route to Ankhesenamun.
CH: Well, that’s suspicialicous. I’m placing my bets on this Ay fella.
ABBY: As did the King of the Hittites. Ever reluctant, Ankhesenamun was eventually forced to marry the once viser to her late husband and the very man accused of assassinating her recent groom-to-be. Ay.
FM: You reckon he did ‘em dirty?
ABBY: I mean, after her passing, Ankhesenamun was never mentioned again, not even in the tomb of Ay, her own husband. It does seem on paper like the perfect crime, but again, we only speculate.
CH: So...about that surprise you got for us?
ABBY: Since you like The Mummy so much, this proverbial phrase should be familiar. “Patience is a virtue.” But alas, here it is.
[sound of heavy lifting]
FM: Whoa, we got the same beer cooler! And here I thought you weren't a drinker.
ABBY: Hardly. This is an isolated container housing four particularly priceless objects. One second, let me get my gloves on. For that matter, you two need to wear gloves as well. Here, take these.
FM: Cotton gloves. Snatch these from your museum archives?
ABBY: Haha, you know me well. And, here they are!
CH: Whoa, with its cylindrical shape and ornate lid fashioned in the likeness of Anubis, this can only be one thing.
ABBY: Correct, this is a canopic jar!
CH: Oh, right. I definitely wasn’t going to say “beer stein.”
FM: Ain’t that were the heart goes or something of the like?
ABBY: There are four canopic jars in all, each housing an organ: the stomach, lungs, liver, and intestines. The heart was actually believed to contain the person’s soul so it stays with the body.
FM: One might say, they keep it under wraps?
CH: Wowzers, these jars are heavier than I thought! Was this man’s liver made of lead?
ABBY: Well, that brings us right back to our little tale, for these very jars house the organs of Pharaoh Ay himself!
FM: Jumpin’ Jesus, you for real?
ABBY: More real than any curse, that’s for sure. Here, take a look at the other jars. Just be careful. My merit is on the line here.
FM: Of course, of course. These are priceless. Can’t put into words now in awe I am.
CH: In “Ay” you mean. Speaking of Ay, how about I take a little peek in this jar here…
ABBY: Nope, I’ll take that back now, thank you.
CH: Aw shucks I just wanted a tiny little peek.
ABBY: No peeks. Be respectful. Harry, where’s the jar I handed you?
FM: Oh, I put it back in the case a moment ago.
ABBY: Good, thanks. Let me just seal the container and… there you have it.
CH: That was a once-in-a-life time experience, thank you so much, Abby!
FM: Yea, really appreciate you coming out and givin’ us both this opportunity.
ABBY: Eh, you two seem responsible enough. But I do have to get going. It’s getting late and the mosquitos are coming out.
FM: Eh, you get used to ‘em.
ABBY: I’d rather not.
CH: That’s what I said.
ABBY: It’s been seriously great catching up with you, Harry. It’s always a trip crossing paths. And you, too, Aaron. It’s been a pleasure.
CH: Ah geez, do you really got to leave so soon? We didn’t get to the segment on the Mummy’s role in pop-culture.
ABBY: I’m sure you can just save it for your Talegate Instagram. I followed you guys back, by the way.
FM: Perfect! And for you folks at home, feel free to shoot us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and follow us on Instagram @TheTalegatePodcast for photos, cast info, updates and more!
ABBY: Later, guys! Take care! If you need anything just know it may take me a few hours to, as there is virtually no reception out here.
FM: We’ll keep that in mind. Thanks again, Abby!
CH: Ditto! So, “Harry…”
FM: Ah hush.
CH: Since our guest didn’t partake, that left plenty of beer for us. Shall we?
FM: Read my mind.
CH: Um...what’s this?
FM: What’s what?
CH: Oooooh shoot.
FM: What, ain’t none left?
CH: Oh, there’s something left alright. This.
FM: Ay’s canopic jar??
CH: It’s the one you were holding. I think you put it in our beer cooler instead of her insulated container.
FM: Seriously? I mean, them containers did look remarkable alike.
CH: Yea, they actually kind of did.
FM: Ain’t a big deal. I’ll just grab my phone here and holler at her.
FM: No reception.
CH: Ah geez, what do we do in the meantime?
FM: Just...hold onto it til’ morning. That or she might notice and turn around. Come back here--wait, Cheesehead, what are you doing?
CH: Just taking a little peak.
FM: Abby said 100% not to do that!
CH: Too late now. Hm...nothing in here but some dust and dark discoloration at the bottom.
FM: A little less climactic that I imagined, but that’’s for the better, I reckon.
CH: See, Florida Man? No harm, no foul
AY: What fools disturb my remains?
[FM/CH reach in shock]
AY: Nescient Clods! I place a curse upon your souls!
CH: I knew Abby was wrong about the Curse!
FM: Then why they hell’d you open the jar?
CH: To see how wrong she was. Damned jar.
FM: Damned jar indeed.
AY: You pitiful, increment-filled flesh bags have until the next solar eclipse to return the jar which summons me to its brethren. Or else!
FM: Or else what?
AY: Or else I shall forfeit your trifling souls to Anubis for an eternity of suffering!
CH: Wait, do you mind explaining exactly what the heck we did to deserve your wrath?
AY: Manhandling my grave-robbed organs for one.
FM: That’s true.
AY: And separating it from the rest of my manhandled, grave-organs, secondly.
CH: Fair point. But what could you possibly want with our souls? You aren’t a god of the afterlife, just some mummy of an ancient Pharaoh.
AY: Just some mummy? I’ll have you both crying for your mummies in due time.
FM: Cheesehead here already does that. Almost nightly.
AY: As for me Intent-
CH: Miss my mom, what can I say.
AY: Stop talking! As for my intent, my soul has been tormented in duat by Anubis for centuries. I have come to an agreement with him. A negotiation for my release. A simple trade. Your two souls for my one.
CH: Yah but we just reunite this canopic jar with the other three before the next solar eclipse though and we’re square? No soul-stealing?
AY: You have until the next Solar Eclipse before I am able to collect. And rest assured, I will collect. See you then, then, losers! Muahhahhahahhaa!
FM: That was just uncalled for.
CH: How the hell am I supposed to rest assured after that? Well. Uh… be sure to tune in weeks for more content? Oh, and if you know anything about removing ancient curses,
drop us a line.
FM: See ya later, Talegaters!